How I designed (and disrupted) my maternity leave as a CEO
I spent a lot of time preparing for childbirth and postpartum. I read the books, took the classes, surveyed experts, and got intel from friends. And as a founder / CEO working in women’s health with Origin, I kept joking with my care team that “I knew too much.”
The truth is, while I intellectually “knew too much,” I did not understand. I was incredibly prepared for the logistics. I was equally unprepared for how it would feel.
Expectations versus reality
At first, everything felt smooth-ish sailing. I was lucky to have a relatively uncomplicated labor and speedy recovery. Within a few weeks, I thought I was starting to feel like myself again. I’d get waves of energy when my daughter was napping and found myself stealthily checking Slack or responding to an email. I’d get a rush of serotonin, a quick sense of fulfillment.
At the time, I didn’t realize two things. First, my emails barely made sense. I was so sleep-deprived and hyped on adrenaline that one might mistake my writing for that of an 8th grader.
Second, my desire to work was in large part fueled by my desire to feel competent at something again. Childcare did not come naturally to me. It’s quite jarring to go from feeling in control and good at your job, to feeling completely lost, untethered, and inadequate. Breastfeeding was incredibly difficult. Bonding took some time. I also had intense postpartum anxiety for the first couple months, which made me question every decision and resulted in daily waterworks around 5pm.
I felt so much pressure to “forget about work,” “disconnect entirely,” “set a good example,” and “focus on motherhood.” And yes, there are incredible benefits to taking time off for healing, bonding, and diving into the deep end of new identity formation.
That said, staying connected to work in small ways was so helpful to my mental health. It kept me tethered to the ultra-competent part of myself that felt far away amidst the dust storm of new motherhood.
For me, having a deep sense of self that is expressed in both work and family feels synergistic, not a zero sum game. It’s taken me months to stop feeling ashamed for wanting to hold onto parts of myself and rather feel gratitude that those parts helped me become whole again.
Saying this out loud feels like a giant middle finger to the layers of societal pressure that make moms like myself feel inadequate from birth — that I should feel bad for working when I could be at home or vice versa, and that unless motherhood is painful, you’re not doing it right.
Hearing how others charted their own unapologetic paths helped me immensely throughout this shift. So in an attempt to pay it forward, I’m sharing my own experience on how I crafted a mat leave that helped me stay connected in a way that was invigorating and centering.
To the friends, founders, CEOs, and mentors I called for advice or texted at 2am, thank you, truly. Much of your guidance is reflected below.
Lessons learned from my mat leave
#1 — Design for optionality
I wasn’t sure how I would feel, physically or emotionally, after giving birth, so I wanted to make sure I could take the full 12 weeks of leave we offer as a company, uninterrupted, if I needed to. I ensured I had coverage for that entire time with my co-founders and leadership team, and shared that I would be in touch with an update around the halfway point if I was ready to come back earlier.
I ended up deciding to come back to work part-time around week 8, which was more for my own emotional wellbeing than any urgency from the team. It enabled me to have a soft landing and begin to tap into another part of myself, which was important for my own healing. That said, I did not want to give up on the unique bonding that is uninterrupted time, so I plan to take the remaining two weeks off when my daughter is older later this year.
#2 — Prepare way in advance
I felt calm about stepping away, and that’s because I started preparing way in advance. Around the beginning of my second trimester, I began to identify what would break if I was out for an extended period of time and the root causes to solve for. In some cases, these weren’t even things on my plate — for example, my co-founder had so much biz ops admin he was personally responsible for that he would not have been able to lean into other parts of the business while I was gone if he didn’t get more support.
#3 — Craft touchstones
It was unrealistic for me, or the company, to have no contact for 12 weeks. Origin was my first baby. So I created a few touchstones for communication:
- I asked my leadership team for weekly updates that I checked at my own pace. These were short bullets in email & google doc, focusing on “PPP” or Prios, Progress and Prob.
- I had a couple of folks on the team I could text / call without opening the floodgates or setting a bad example.
- I have a living job description I refer back to on a monthly basis that always helps ground me in the work that matters, but was especially helpful when there’s so much I could get pulled into.
#4 — Invest in a care team & care rhythms
I learned early on in my career that if I don’t clear the mental clutter and create energetic balance in my life, I can’t lead well. Full stop. So I continue to invest in the care I need to show up as a CEO and as a mother. These included:
- Physical therapy specifically designed for postpartum recovery (Origin, obviously)
- Therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health
- Lactation consultant
- Exercise and movement (This was HUGE for me. Really helped me break through my anxiety)
- Writing
- Good smells, long, hot showers (before I could take baths), lots of water
- Community: I made a list of the parents I love and respect in LA (where I live) and outside the city so I have my go-to when I have a question at 2am.* Ridiculous that you need to make a list but memory recall is really tough when you’re sleep deprived.
A big and important footnote: I am in a unique position to be able to design a flexible mat leave, to have the support of my partner (who also took a leave), to live near family, and have childcare support especially at night. Unfortunately we live in a culture where these are all privileges, and where there is no structural support for most new parents across the country.
I’m writing this as the Momnibus Act is on the House floor for the 3rd time, and I’m cautiously optimistic that in my lifetime, we will finally create a baseline of support that offers health and dignity to new mothers and new parents.
